I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
