I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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