I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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