hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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