apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
