We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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