Is it because I queefed?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
