There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
