He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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