I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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