ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
