True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
