I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
