Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
