There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
