I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
