I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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