It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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