we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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