I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
