We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im having a threesome with these popsicles
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
