Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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