um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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