I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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