oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
