I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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