A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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