I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
