Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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