My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
