We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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