Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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