While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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