So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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