yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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