Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
