You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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