O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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