you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
