I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
