You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I looked at my own cervix.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
