i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
