Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
