i can't believe i had my finger in that
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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