We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
