I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
