I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
