just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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