I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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