Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
