I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
