Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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