I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
